Journal

Purpose: To write my thoughts of the day if I feel that it is important or worth value.

Return to Main Page.

Summer 2019 Archive

Spring 2019 Archive

Winter 2019 Archive

2020.06.16:

Recent journal entries are currently scrapped in the case that my coworkers find my site. Might put back up at a later time.

2020.06.26: I am entering a new chapter in my life. I no longer desire to buy music as much as I used to anymore. I want to start saving a lot of money to fund the electrostatic audio dream (STAX 007/009S + KGSSHV Carbon CC), home theater, and just in general when I get back home to my new apartment.

With that - I will be selling probably almost my entire doujin music CD collection when I get back from deployment. Check out my physical album collection here. It is severely outdated by over a year but theres still quite a lot. Also check out my Discogs here. It is more up to date but many album entries are still missing in the database. My contact email address is rainheaven@riseup.net.

I don't really have the time right now to price every album so if you are interested in any albums I have - Please just include it in your list and I will 'quote' you a price for the album via email. You may then determine and reply back what you actually want to order. I plan to ship internationally because I know that the doujin music community is all over the world :) I will update my physical album collection list to indicate what albums have been reserved by annotating *reserved* to the right of the album name. If the album is on my Discogs list but not on my physical album collection list then I will add it at the top of the list and indicate it as reserved.

The very 'rough' general priceline will be $3 for EPs / short albums and $7 for longer albums. Event exclusive and out of stock albums will be $5 for EPs / short albums and $10 for longer albums for the most part. This should be the pricing for about 80-90% of all my albums. Albums that I consider to be of higher value due to rarity or collection value will be higher up to about $25-$50. I have some very rare albums that can't really be found anywhere which may go up to as much as $200 but I only have a handful of those.

Payment will be via Paypal. I will not be taking payment until I am back home. I do not want to take payment if I am unable to ship. I will update everyone what my Paypal email address is when I am able to ship. For now - Albums can be 'reserved' until then. First come, first serve.

I might be able to start shipping physical albums on the 3rd and 4th week of July depending on the condition of my Military base due to the coronavirus. Supposedly my Military base is in HPCON Charlie right now which means that we literally can't do anything that isn't 'essential' which includes going to the post office to ship off packages. If the Military base is still in HPCON Charlie by the time I get back then I might not be able to ship out albums until the 2nd week of September because I will be away from home again for almost all of August due to the Military once again. This will be the first time I ever sell my albums and selling physical goods in general so I will have to figure out shipping methods and costs and such.

I know there is a lot of people on the doujin music Discord server that would be interested. Please spread the news.

2020.06.29: I know I say this a lot that I haven't written in my journal recently but today is the perfect day to write something. Today is the first time I have ever drank alcohol in my life. While it probably wouldn't be a good idea to give out my exact age to the internet - I figure it won't matter too much as long as no one finds out my real life identity. I am 23 years old. I am well over 2 years past the legal drinking age of 21 in the United States yet this is the first time I have drank alcohol. As I am writing this now I am still mildly drunk.

Supposedly when a US naval ship has been at sea for 45 days or more they are authorized a beer day. Typically no alcohol is allowed at all except with the special exception of this beer day. This is also the one and only day that I do not have to work every single day since deployment which was nice and weird at the same time. I slept in past the usual time I woke up for once. I got to wear civilian clothes for once. I didn't have to be on time at work for once. I didn't take a shower the previous night because I was somewhat upset that I didn't go to brunch with my female friend that day so I took a shower in the morning instead which is very unusual on the ship. I wore my usual flight deck uniform and went to my shop to find that only one coworker was there chilling and playing Grand Theft Auto V. I got on my work laptop reading technology news. There was an article on Edward Snowden saying that people into tech should be careful and think about the tech companies they work for in terms of morals and ethics. I still have my mind set on maybe going into Cybersecurity which is still a part of technology. He is most certainly correct - It would make me feel very bad if I worked for a big monolithic tech company such as Facebook, Google, and any other big tech company. One thing that I can say for certain is that money can never buy me. I exist for the benefit of the people and that will never change.

I emailed my female friend Monk and said that I'm sorry that I didn't return her phone call when she called asking to go to brunch. I wasn't having a good day that day because things didn't seem to go 'right' which lead me to being stressed and angry. She asked if I wanted to go to lunch today up on the flight deck and I said sure. Not long ago later she emailed back saying that she didn't want to go anymore because she had ramen and she was feeling tired staying up all night. And she changed her mind again because she heard that there was a specific type of beer being served on the flight deck from a brand named Yuengling lol. Supposedly this brand of alcohol is very good so she decided to stay up and get a taste of it. We went together to the flight deck with my two coworkers. There was maybe 5 or 6 long lines for beer all sorted by last name alphabetical order. Luckily I was in the correct line at the very beginning so it didn't take long to get my two beers. At the front of the line you have to get your military ID checked on a muster sheet or something to make sure that you haven't been in the line more than once so that everyone has a chance to drink beer. Monk had to wait in line for like 20 minutes which was pretty long. After getting out of line I met up with my two other coworkers and drank my two beers for the first time in my life. I got two Yuenglings type of canned beer. Everyone was pretty excited because it was the first time I have ever drank alcohol and took pictures and such. Monk was excited as well. I didn't like the taste of Yuengling and I didn't really feel much at first. I felt rather normal. After drinking the first can is when I started to slightly feel the effects of alcohol. My vision won't blur for only a single can of beer but moving my head and body felt rather sluggish or slow. It was definitely a weird experience. I was on guard and cautious because I didn't want to do or say anything stupid. My behavior and personality were the same but occasionally my words were prolonged. Drinking the 2nd can of beer made the effects of alcohol stronger but I was still mildly drunk. Walking to places felt super strange and foreign. I had a good time talking with my coworkers though. Unfortunately everyone is only allowed 2 beers. I am now pretty interested how it feels like to be seriously drunk but only as an experiment. I wouldn't want to get hang over and start puking not even occasionally. I'm not going to start drinking often just because of this experience. Drinking alcohol on a daily basis isn't really worth my money especially if I drink alone I feel. When I get back home I do want to try updating my journal more often - Preferrably every Friday or weekend. I am kind of curious if drinking alcohol would make me want to write in my journal more often. I also want to try the more fruity flavors of alcohol instead of just beer. I do want to enjoy a good drink but beer doesn't quite cut it so far.


2020.07.02: Today was a depressing day for everyone in my squadron. I came into work and noticed that the internet is down because we are in RIVERCITY 1. RIVERCITY 1 is only set when a critical event on the ship has happened. It is used to limit all communications outside of the ship. It is used to ensure that faulty information isn't leaked to the outside world and social media. After all the facts and evidence is gathered and a conclusion is made - The CO speaks to everyone on what happened. We then go back to our normal internet access. The last few times RIVERCITY 1 was set was when it was discovered that coronavirus was onboard, an aircraft flew into the ocean but the pilots were safe, and now the death of a Chief Petty Officer in my squadron. The squadron had a very sudden command quarters. Command quarters is used to muster up every person in the squadron for important information, announcements, awards, etc. Every person, including having to wake up those on night shift, had to be at command quarters. Thats around ~220 people rounded up in about 20 minutes. Our CO told us that one of our Chief Petty Officers had passed away from a heart attack while working night shift. He was in his mid-30s and had a wife. He did have kids. It was super sudden. Everyone was shocked. Some people cried. The rest of the day was depressing and quiet. To think that someone you work with on a daily basis can just disappear so suddenly was so surreal especially if they were a genuinely great person. We were almost at the end of deployment. All we had left was 7 more days and he could have saw his family, friends, and wife. Thinking from the wifes' perspective - It is scary to think that the person you love the most is now just gone. You would expect to see them again at the end of deployment after waiting for a long period of time but instead they're just suddenly gone and won't return. The kids will live on without a father. I can just imagine how much that would hurt mentally.

2020.09.08: Maybe I should consider writing in my journal every Sunday while drunk haha. I've drank about 180-200ml of pinot noir wine but its enough to make me moderately-heavily drunk and I feel so happy while listening to music haha. You can expect to see another journal entry on Sunday. And when I get my Purism Librem 14 - Maybe every Sunday after that. Theres so many things I can write about !!!

2020.09.11: I've drank some more wine tonight and am moderately drunk. I was listening to a podcast but now I am listening to music as I relax with the alcohol currently in my system. While I am still a pretty new drinker I found that drinking has made me several times more emotional and happier when I listen to music. When I drink around people I tend to always be 'on guard' and cautious. I am still the same person except maybe slightly more social.

Just some random topics I can write about during this drunken state of mind...

After I came back from deployment I purchased my first car ever. I would say that I am a very late bloomer to finally buy a car at my age but I got one nonetheless. Its a 2000 Toyota Corolla CE @112k miles. Bought it for $4k straight cash with title, registration, and whatever. It is in very good condition for a car over 20 years old. Pretty good price I think. Its an old car but I love it. I love that its old and doesn't really have any technology features. I control the car and it does exactly what I want it to do. I feel so comfortable driving it. I could save up money to get a better car but I want to keep using this one as long as I possibly can. Recently I drove to a Best Buy technology/electronic store in a nearby city just to check out what they have and to not spend my entire weekend staying in my apartment. I found out that there is such a thing as a cassette to bluetooth adapter. That is amazing. I can use bluetooth to listen to my own music on a car so old! I bought it for $30 and tried it on my car and it works perfectly. I listen to my own music with bluetooth for the first time. I was ABSOLUTELY impressed by the sound quality of the car speakers! I was expecting the car speakers to be of poor quality but I got exactly the opposite and that just made me so much happier. Verging into tears even. The bass was strong and present, the treble was well controlled and non-fatiguing, the music actually sounded really clear with not much sense of muddiness or distortion. I just couldn't believe it that I could have a car that I bought for cheap that is so old to have such great sound quality. I feel blessed. I couldn't be any more happier with this purchase. Now anywhere I go I play my music at a loud but comfortable volume without distortion and I absolutely enjoy it. I really need to go on a road trip and just enjoy driving and listening to music one day.

I was randomly searching the Reddit /r/privacy subreddit like I usually do and find a thread that said that Netflix has released a new documentary named 'The Social Dilemma'. The easiest way to explain is that the documentary focuses on the dangers of social media. I know that there are some privacy-conscious people that would be aware of Netflix but the documentary is very good for what it is. It has put what I have researched for the past 3 years into visuals and words. If there was a way to convince people that social media and big tech was bad then this is the thing to show them. It may not make some people change their habits but it should potentially make everyone that watches it aware of the real implications of social media and big tech. Social media is depicted as a good thing helping people connect around the world and people sharing their lives all happily when really its a fake utopia / dystopic world. I am so glad that Netflix has the balls to make something like this and gather up some big names and former employees of Google, Facebook, etc. I also watched another documentary named 'The Creepy Line' which is mostly bashing Google for their unethical-ness which is also a good watch as well for anyone relying heavily on their services. Right now I have only two friends that I would be comfortable enough with to watch and talk about the documentaries with. I asked one friend if he was doing anything this weekend and he said nah. I asked him if I could go to his place and we could watch these documentaries and he said it sounded interesting and agreed. I am looking forward to watching it and explaining it to him this weekend.

I had lunch with my crush back when I was working in another Military base for about three weeks. She reminded me about meal prepping which is something that I was definitely interested in. I ended up buying a multi-pressure cook pot named Instant Pot and it is a life saver. It cooks food significantly faster than via traditional methods such as baking and the stove top. Normally it takes atleast 25-30 minutes to cook quinoa the way it should be which this Instant Pot can do it in a bit less than 10 minutes. This makes cooking and preparing meals a lot faster. Meal prepping provides highly nutritous meals while being very cheap. Last Sunday I cooked up 14 meals of rosemary chicken breast, white quinoa with chicken broth, extra virgin olive oil, and sea salt, kidney/black beans, and frozen mixed veggies (green beans, peas, corn, carrots) all for about $50. It could have been closer to around $30-35 if I chose not to buy organic and eliminate the chicken broth to make it cheaper. $50 for 14 meals for 1 week for a very healthy and nutritious meal is pretty exceptional to me. It tastes great and is very filling. I'll probably be meal prepping for the rest of my life until I get a girlfriend lol. It is a thousands times better than ordering expensive junk fast food all the time thats for sure. No need to cook everyday and waste time and effort. Just microwave it for about 2 minutes 30 seconds to 3 minutes and you got a meal served already.

2020.09.26: 1 1/2 to 2 weeks ago I joined some random Reddit iMessage group chat since I wanted to talk to people and see what it was like. I couldn't really relate to them as someone that doesn't use emojis, talks much more plainly, takes pictures, and has far more mainstream hobbies and interests than myself but I tried to talk and fit in. It was all fine and dandy until today. Someone was saying how some people wouldn't support a specific football team for endorsing the organization 'Black Lives Matter (BLM)'. I mentioned how I was very skeptical about if BLM was a good organization or not, and then, all of a sudden, everyone just turned against me. They started bashing on me for not supporting BLM as if they were just some narrow-minded cult. Apparently no lives matter until black lives matter? Sorry but that sounds like a silly contradicting statement. One guy tried to make it out that I have the privilege of being where I am today because of the color of my skin. He didn't even know anything about me and the color of my skin most certainly had nothing to do with what I am doing today. Then one of the women in the group chat said that if I didn't support BLM that I should either 'gtfo' or get kicked out. How can I just blindly support an organization that I don't really know about? How do I know that they're actually what they are? Are we just not allowed to be skeptical of things? I just left the group chat and deleted everyone off my contacts list. Not a single person tried to be understanding of what I had to say. It was baffling. How can everyone be so narrow-minded? It was most certainly a mistake joining that group chat and I will probably never do it again.

Last week I had watched an original Netflix documentary that recently released named 'The Social Dilemma'. The easiest way to explain the documentary is that it shows the dangers of social media and interviews high-profile former employees of Google, Facebook, Amazon, etc. It explains how big tech makes money, how targeted advertising works, how propaganda and fake news is accelerating at a very high rate, etc. This puts a lot of what I have researched over the years about privacy into visuals and words. I highly recommend it. I know that Netflixs' drama scenes in the documentary isn't a lot of watchers' cup of tea but its not unrealistic and I do think it was necessary. Some other good tech documentaries that I've watched were 'The Creepy Line' and 'The Great Hack'. The group chat just makes me realize that those people probably fall into that propaganda crap without realizing it.

After leaving the group chat, I searched what I could about BLM. But anything bad about BLM is sourced from very right-leaning and biased news sites. How do I know I can trust what they have to say? Mainstream news sites don't really report on it. Does it not matter to them even though the violence in their riots and protests is there? How can I find what is the truth and what is not? How did we voluntarily come to this point to being so divided as a 1st world country? Its all so truly shocking. I didn't have much of an opinion on politics and movements like these but now I know that it is safe to be strictly 100% apolitical. From what I understand about big tech, social media, and news sites - Question _everything_. Trust and believe _nothing_. Ask yourself, "Is this in good faith?" If you have even a little bit of doubt then probably don't believe it. Don't be manipulated.